Going to soon

Grace Dance

I have been weeping! As sit here to write this the tears well up again! I hate to admit those things and as I rushed out of the hospital the noise coming out of me was embarrassing and a bit shocking! I jumped into my car and sped off trying to make what I had just seen go away and then pulled over to call Jackie. Thank God I have Jackie who is so strong &so human. I say that because she has seen both life and death with me and has the knack of saying the most profound truths to lighten the moment. I am too passionate! I always have been. She is always so cool! I will admire this about her till the last.

I will back up here and tell you why I am weeping. On my way in to work I was thinking about Dad and how for so long I thought I saw him it was usually some man who looked like him but how I would run up to surprise him and be thoroughly goofed trying to pick my face up but often would wonder when I might see him again. I was thinking of this because I have found old friends one in particular that we were talking about people dying when they have reunited with long lost pals. I thought I would never see this friend again and reflecting on God's Grace in my life. How profound and poetic it is . Grace seems to be like a beautiful dance that can not be described repeated or cajoled. We are just saying wow.

Well I had all of that on my mind when I entered the hospital to see my patient. As I crossed the room I saw her from the angle which revealed that she was an old friend from high school, dying she was a basketball star who I admired and who if I remember correctly passed the ball to me so I could make an easy lay up and not have a scoreless basketball career. I was never that good at basketball but loved the way the game went. She was excellent she was short and still could almost dunk we called her M@#$%~ But I will not reveal her name to protect her privacy but she was barely able to speak to me. She smiled and said my name and we held hands! I stayed a short while because the my heart was thumping and I could feel my tears welling up, it was like a volcano. I can not express it any better then that. She said " Oh Joanne I am not doing well at all but thank you for visiting me. " I will be back to see you again but now wonder if that is true. I have a headache now, that is like those heartaches you get when you are little and pouting about some slap in the mouth you received for some injustice. Ugh I feel so sad about this ~ something's are awesome & to see an old friend and feel the love that we are friends again but then to see this friend to remind her of the days when she was amazing and unstoppable and to hope that it lightened the fear of death a little for her I hope makes me think of God's grace. I have to remember that but I am still weeping and must get ice for my swollen eyes in case I have company. I know I am dramatic but please weep with me little here. Let me be just a girl who needs her big sisters shoulder. Thanks Jayne say a prayer for my friend it did not look good. Lots of Love.