Ties that Bind
We celebrate when two people decide to join together, to marry &to be man & wife. This public declaration strengthens the ties that bind. We stand as the third party participants who witness & pray for the health and well being of the new budding family. As we go down that path our families begin to merge. So with the statistics so poor for successful weddings what happens when we see those marriages fail?
I know my heart breaks abit when I think about the failed relationships that I’ve had and those that I’ve witnessed. Can you imagine how the children must feel? Ugh it saddens me to no end. Years gone by, I would try to look to the cause of the failure; asking in vain why we cannot work things out? Now, I feel differently, influenced greatly by two great minds. How ever we have gotten here: let us not let hate and anger ruin our lives...For this the two books that have helped me are: Illuminata by Marianne Williamson and Teachings on Love by Thich Naht Hanh.
In Teachings on Love Hanh talks simply but poignantly about ties that bind :
The support of friends and family coming together weaves a kind of web. The strength of your feelings is only one of the strands of that web Supported by many elements; the couple will be solid like a tree. To be strong a tree sends more than one root deep into the soil. If a tree has only one root, it may be blown over by the wind. The life of a couple also needs to be supported by many elements ~family, friends, ideals, practice and Sangha/ (Community). Teachings on Love by Thich Naht Hanh pg 95.
Marianne Williamson’s book written in 1995 is great for many different events in our lives ~ but I found the Ceremony for Divorce extremely helpful for when connections that started intended to bind tightly but when ended were equally difficult to release from. Below is a portion of the prayer:
Dear God,
We ask You to take these two dearly beloved souls into Your hands. Include in your mercy and compassion their children. May the golden cord that has bound these two in marriage be not violently severed, but carefully and peacefully laid aside, this act forgiven and given meaning by God Himself. May these two remain parents and sacred friends forever.
Never shall the bond of marriage be made meaningless, before God or humankind. May these two beloved children of God remember that the love of their union was important and honor it always. Your experiences together were the lessons of lives lived searching for love. God understands.
He asks you to remember the innocence in each other, now and forever. May forgiveness wash you clean.
The love you gave and the love you received were real and will be with you always. The rest, let us silently and willingly give to god, that he might heal your hearts and give rest to your souls.
You have suffered enough, in coming to this point.
With this prayer, may your family begin again, having released the past and sought from God Himself a new path forward.
We place both past and future in the hands of God. You are still family, blessed and held together by God. May you remain so forever.
And so it is.
Amen Illuminata by Marianne Williamson pg. 279
I appreciate this because it is an avenue for those of us who have grown apart to ask for God’s love so as to release us and move us forward for a great life. I hope this is helpful and at the very least an introduction to two helpful teachers.
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