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Moonshadow
I ran away when I was five years old. It was a funny thing because I had started Kindergarten and was smacked on my hand this day in October by Mrs. Carol for being bad. I cried and cried the whole day and gave her dirty hateful looks. She pointed her finger at me and said that I was not a good girl. It was so true~ I was not. I knew that I lied and was not planning on ever really telling the truth in the near future. I was ruthlessly looking for a better life I knew I had a desperate nature that was almost beyond my control.
That evening I prayed not to be beaten. I just knew that Mrs. Carol told on me. Dad was not home yet and Mom was acting funny I thought she knew and was waiting for Dad to come home for the show to start!
Well that’s when I started hallucinating. My real parents were coming~ they would not act this way ~They would love me. I could hear them I could see them. (If I ever lose my hands or my plow or my land, I wont have to work no more)I would not have to be such a dirty lying shameful little girl. My real mother would have clean clothes for me. I would not be worried all of the time about the whip or the paddle or the bags of clothes coming alive in the middle of the night or the dog ( Manchester) in the basement or the monsters that lived in the closet. I was being followed by a moon shadow and it was going to eat me and I was going to finally be free!
Well I packed up my things in this blue small suitcase that my mother was lending me so I could find them. I had a toothbrush and a teddy bear and a blanket. I started to go out of the gate and Mom yelled: “Joanne, if your real parents are going to get you they will have to pick you up here. You wait inside of the gate.”
I waited and waited for what seemed like hours. Julia and Jackie peered out of the window: hand gesturing & mouthing for me to come back. I couldn’t believe that, because they were the cruelest to me. Please come my real Mom before Dad gets home, I put my fingers back in my mouth and it started to say goodbye to my imaginary friends the Gorilla behind the garage, the Lady in the pond. It was starting to get dark. I could hear my heart beating as I heard Dad’s muffler from down the block approaching .This is it! I am dead now! "God please save me from this" ( If I ever lose my legs I wont cry no I wont beg) Dad was in a good mood and asked me what I was doing outside. I told him waiting for my real parents to come get me they were coming he looked at me and smiled. “I know them, he said; “I will take you here in the morning but you should come inside now.” He picked me up and kissed me the way he could sometimes and I thought~ "I love him, maybe I’ll stay~ for now".
I never told a soul about the hand smack but had a healthy respect for Mrs. Carol for the rest of my life.
6 comments:
Inside the house, that day was a complete drama. Ju was crying and the other children were so upset. I was too grown to be afraid for you and too hardened. We kept calling for you out of the window and you never answered us. I thought that we would never have your love again.
It was funny on the grown side, but it really wasn't. Ju kept screaming somebody is going to take her, Jayne. No they are not. I kept telling her. I think Dad showed unusual wisdom at how he handled the situation. He really loved seeing that you were brave enough to build your own personal Coup D'Etat. He always loved when a person put the mirror to his face and he could see the monster that he was, sometimes. He really tried to be more loving some after that. Nobody knew that we were so upset in our house. The fruit was a loving bunch of people through the night of serious conflict. Thank you for being brave enough not to "lose your mouth".:)
Thanks for your comment. I often think of that night and all the thoughts that were going on in my head. I was only five years old but had thoughts and plans and dreams. I think it is because I learned so much from my older sisters. I am still being followed but I have made real friends with the Moonshadow:)
thanks again Jayne
Please write the book of that day. It is such a vivid memory. There must be a message for the next generation that we are supposed to share. Michael Jacksons song sounds like the song for that moment.
"All I really know is that they don't really care about us!" Please write the book!
You"re the best Jayne ! i do have so many vivid memories but I want to show how we can mend how we can forgive. So I will work on it thanks. You have to write a book too. Next memory is your PROM night ok?
Prom night is not a good memory, at all. "touchet" Some memories are better left buried. :)
Will do but it is a vivid one for me how about you? I remember every moment and wonder if Time has certain days that have more weight than others anyway. I have already written something that I will not post but it will go in the tell all book. Love you, Jayne.
Joanne
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